proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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