seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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