it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
