You really coming over, don't trick.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
