You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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