i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
