Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
ttyl tear gas
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
