does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
