Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
