she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
