He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
