Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
