I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
