Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
