i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
