My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
