I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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