I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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