dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
