i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
