Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
