cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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