At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
