I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did I show you my penis last night?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
