So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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