There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
