I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
