Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
