guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
