Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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