ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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