eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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