A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Say something about gay babies.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
