please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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