How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
