why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
