I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
