i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
