Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
