i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
