Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
