Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
