pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
