youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
