my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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