just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
