meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
