just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
its not stalking. its research.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
