hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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