That's when you crack a 10am beer
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
